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Making Meaning and Continuing Bonds When a Loved One Dies
August 17, 2021
When someone we love dies it can make us question our understanding and assumptions about the world and life. ‘How could this happen?’ ‘How do I make sense of this?’ ‘How is it that the world goes on around me still?’ Trying to understand how grief works and what to expect and why some people are supportive, and others avoid us when we are grieving are all part of the process. What does life look like now in the face of this loss and what to do with the memories and how to hold on to them.
You may have heard it said, ‘death ends a life but not a relationship.’ What does this look like though, how do you continue a relationship with the one you have lost? When the physical tangible existence is absent how do we stay connected and honour the person we are missing? Just as our grief will be an individual experience so will the way in which we connect with and honour the memories of our loved one. The relationship we had with the person and the closeness of the relationship will also affect how this is expressed.
Some examples may be talking to their photo, visiting the grave site, making memory books or writing their story. It may mean taking on a cause that they participated in or raising money for the illness that took them from you. Thinking about what that person taught you and how your life changed because of them, what characteristics of theirs did you most admire and aspire to? Setting a place at the dinner table for them, having cake on their birthday or writing them a letter; these are just some of the many ways of expressing your connection to them and their importance in your life. This will look different for everyone according to their needs and may differ from one loss to another. The important thing is to make it yours – find the meaning for you.
Sometimes it helps to talk to someone to help you make sense of things and help you explore what is helpful for you and what is not. This may be a trusted friend or relative or you may prefer to speak with a professional. The Southern Highlands Bereavement Care Service offers a place where your grief can be explored and supported in a safe space. Call us for an appointment on 48 621701 or email us on [email protected].