This type of grief occurs before the death or other great loss. It may begin when we are first aware that death is a likelihood. While different to grief following a death it can produce many of the same symptoms of regular grief such as sadness, isolation, anger, and forgetfulness. For carers this may be accompanied by exhaustion. As we anticipate a death we may also be grieving the loss of the person’s abilities, loss of independence, loss of future dreams, loss of security and a loss of hope. It can feel like an ‘in between place’ – trying to find a balance between holding on to hope and letting go.

These things can contribute to a sense of relief when the person dies, and with this will often come guilt, feeling that the relief diminishes our love for the person. These feelings are totally normal but can be confusing. It’s good to remind ourselves that relief does not change the love we had for the person, but rather it is a natural reaction to the illness.

Some things to remember when dealing with Anticipatory Grief:

-      Accept that it is normal – you are not alone in feeling this way.

-      Acknowledge your losses. Allow yourself to acknowledge that even though the person hasn’t died you are grieving.

-      Connect with others – maybe a support group or others who understand the challenges you are facing.

-      Remember that anticipatory grief doesn’t mean you are giving up.

-      Reflect on the remaining time – find ways that are meaningful to spend this time with your loved one.

-      Communicate – expect that everyone in your family may be experiencing and coping with anticipatory grief in different ways. Try to keep lines of communication open to better understand each other.

-      Take care of yourself. Think about things that help you in difficult times, that recharge your batteries. If you don’t care for yourself it’s more difficult to care for others.

-      Take advantage of your support system. Identify those who are able to help you out and even those you may wish to avoid.

-      Seek counselling if you feel the need to. Sometimes its good to talk to someone outside the family.

-      Relief is normal. It is a normal reaction after a stressful and overwhelming time in your life.

-      Don’t assume. Just because your loss was anticipated don’t assume this will speed up or slow down your grief after the death. Remember we all grieve differently.



If you feel you would like to talk to someone about what you are experiencing you can contact the Southern Highlands Bereavement Service on 48 621701 or email on [email protected].

(Information adapted from whatsyourgrief.com)