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Entering Residential Aged Care
October 12, 2021
One of the most difficult decisions spouses and family may have to make is placing a partner, parent or relative into residential aged care. It may be a decision that is forced quickly due to illness or perhaps a fall or may be a possibility looming as a loved one deteriorates physically or mentally as with dementia. There may be feelings of guilt over no longer being able to care for someone or promises made that now cannot be kept due to circumstances or the physical and emotional impact on the carer. Sometimes there is a feeling of relief when the burden of care is lifted.
Some tips to help with dealing with guilt:
• Recognise that your loved one is now receiving care around the clock, freeing you to spend quality time with your loved one. Make your visits meaningful.
• Give yourself permission to grieve.
• Acknowledge the fact that residential aged care is a necessity for millions of people worldwide.
• Recognise the role you can still play as a care giver – just in a different way.
• Seek support from friends and family.
• Remind yourself that you were not responsible for your loved ones physical or cognitive impairments.
For the person needing to enter residential care there can be a loss of independence, loss of their home and possessions, loss of freedom and routines and loss of social connections. Recognise their need to grieve these losses as part of the process.
Some tips on how to help your loved one settle into the facility:
• Maintain a positive outlook on the move even if they do not. They are relying on your emotional support.
• Make the room as homely as possible including personal items from home, photos, music etc.
• Visit often. A common experience can be to feel a sense of abandonment when moving into a residential facility. Regular visits can help to assure them they are not abandoned.
• Take them on outings where possible – this may be as simple as a walk around the grounds or going out for a meal.
• Communicate with staff at the facility – discuss any concerns, fears, and hesitations as well as strategies that have worked for other residents.
The current visitation restrictions due to COVID -19 are also influencing this process and can create feelings of isolation apart from the usual impact of this life change.
Such a life transition can be stressful for both the family and the resident. Allow time for yourself and your loved one to adjust. Seek support from friends, family, or support groups. This adjustment can take time and vary between people and circumstances. Sometimes talking to a professional may be helpful. The Southern Highlands Bereavement Care Service can provide support to you or your loved one. Appointments are available face to face, via zoom or telephone. Call on 48621701 or email us on [email protected] to enquire.