People often consider sadness and crying to be typical of grieving, but there are many symptoms of grief. For men who may be used to hiding their tears, other symptoms can be common and may include:

• Withdrawal – may withdraw from family and friends.

• Irritability – may be more easily irritated by small annoyances

• Anger – may experience anger towards those they perceive as responsible for their loved one’s death, at themselves, or overreact and explode over issues that normally wouldn’t bother them.

• Persistent thoughts of death – may include thinking about the loss of their loved one, the final moments of their death or death in general.

• Overuse of substances – may attempt to mask their pain with alcohol or drugs.

• Getting involved in work and activities – ‘doing things’ as a way of expressing grief.

• Men are more likely to grieve in isolation. You can help by letting them know you are there to listen and support them when they are ready to talk. Be there to listen but don’t give advice unless asked.

• Offer practical help without taking over.

• Working on a project together that is unrelated to their loss or join them on a car trip or day out fishing. He may open up about his loss and he may not but being with him can provide support and companionship.

• Some may pursue activities to distract them from their grief, and while this is helpful for some, avoiding thinking about the loss may lead to a more complicated grief process. Working with them on a project that honours their loved may be helpful. Things such as planting a tree, getting involved in raising awareness or funds for a particular disease or making something dedicated to their loved one’s memory, e.g., a bird house. This can be a hands on way of helping to heal and providing an outlet for men who find fixing things rewarding.

It is important to allow the person to handle things in their own way. Where possible, support them to do things for themselves. Encourage them to talk with friends and family, or maybe their general practitioner or minister of religion if appropriate. Counsellors can also provide additional support, information, and advice. The Southern Highlands Bereavement Care Service is available to provide support and can be contacted on 48 621701 or via email on [email protected].

(Information adapted from Crossroadshospice.com and NALAG – National Association for Loss and Grief).