The Christmas period and holiday season can be a tough time for those who are grieving. Secondary losses surface as we realise the loss of our loved one changes the nature of the way we may celebrate, or how we feel at this time. Not only are we dealing with the grief of losing someone precious to us, but we now also experience how this loss impacts other areas of our lives. There may be apprehension leading up to the day – reminders of things like putting up the Christmas tree together or social/family gatherings that stir emotions and memories. Some may find it difficult to contemplate enjoying these celebrations or feel lost or disconnected from faith or values that they believed underpinned the holiday period.

Planning for these days can help to cope with this challenging time. Try to be gentle with yourself at this time and not expect too much of yourself or those around you. Let others know what you might need on the day so that they can support you. After the death of a loved one Christmas will never be the same again. The acknowledgement of your loss and maybe changing the rituals associated with this time can help to make the Christmas season a little easier.

Some coping strategies:



·      Do something special as a way of honouring the person who died.

·      Set a place at the table for the person.

·      Ask for assistance with the preparations such as shopping.

·      Some may like to visit the gravesite or other special location to sit and remember.

·      Think about changing the way things are normally done – maybe opting for a change of venue such as the beach or having a picnic.

·      Share memories of the person, make a toast to them, share photos – you may laugh or cry – expressing emotions is healthy.

·      Do something special for yourself, maybe buy yourself a present, indulge in a favourite food or pastime.

·      Maybe have some quiet time to sit with your memories and your grief.

·      If you need to seek professional help – maybe a counsellor or telephone helpline.

These are just some suggestions but its important to find what is helpful for you. Our grief and experience of it is an individual and unique experience.

(Information adapted from nalag.org.au & whatsyourgrief.com)