Why is that just when our head hits the pillow the mind kicks in and says “great, now I have your attention, let’s go over a few things”. This might involve thinking about what needs to be done the following day, or thinking over the circumstances surrounding your loss – whatever the thoughts that come, it can then impact our ability to sleep. Grief rumination can be defined as:

“repetitive and recurrent thinking about causes and consequences of the loss and loss-related emotions.” (Eisma & Stroebe, 2017).

So what can we do to help these night time wanderings dissipate? A few ideas may be:

·      Look at how you are coping with your grief during the day. Are you engaging in self-care activities that help to boost your emotions and feelings in a positive way. If thoughts, feelings of guilt, anxiety and fear are making your day to day functioning difficult it might be good to seek counselling.

·      Be mindful of winding down before bed, turning off devices 30 minutes to an hour before bed. Maybe listen to some music, meditate, read a book, or take a warm bath.

·      Acknowledge the thoughts that come in, thank them for reminding you but firmly tell them you are not engaging with them. It may be helpful to then distract yourself with some deep breathing or grounding exercises – name 5 things around you, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and then take a deep breath. It may also be helpful to have a notebook and pen by the bed so you can write things down that are worrying you and then make time to attend to them the following day at a designated ‘worry time’. Make sure you limit this time though – 10 minutes maximum, then do something to take you out of that space such as going for a walk, or reading, having a cup of tea/coffee or phoning a friend.   

·      Relaxation techniques may also be helpful such as progressive muscle relaxation, and deep breathing techniques.

·      Remind yourself that even though thoughts are there they are not always true or rational – its good to look at the evidence for and against, test them.  For every negative thought try and think of a positive thought.

(Adapted from What’s Your Grief, www.whatsyourgrief.com)



These are just a few suggestions, but if you are finding  rumination difficult to manage you might consider seeing a professional. The Southern Highlands Bereavement Care Service provides grief, loss and bereavement counselling and we can be contacted by phoning 48621701 or via email [email protected].