There is often an expectation that children will grieve in the same way that adults do. They may appear fine if emotions aren’t present immediately. Processing and understanding what death means takes time for everyone and children are no exception.

When explaining death to children its important to be gentle but truthful. Using words such as ‘death’, died’ and ‘dead’ is more helpful than trying to soften language by using terms such as ‘no longer with us’ or ‘passed away’, which can often leave children with questions. For very young children using pictures, books, toys, and play may help to explain what has happened and the feelings that accompany the death. Asking the child what they understand about what has happened can open the way to see where further explanation may be needed and make it easier for kids who find it difficult to ask questions. Other children may respond with curiosity and have regular and repeated questions that need clear and honest responses. Don’t try and hide your sadness or pretend you aren’t sad – be honest in expressing your feelings which can also help the child to able to express their feelings.

Grief may surface many times throughout their childhood and adolescence as their understanding of the various aspects of loss change and come to the surface. Some children may not want to talk or may not react early on in grief but may want to talk about it later.

Feelings may also show up in play rather than discussion.

Some Common Reactions Include:



·      Grieving in doses – e.g., crying one minute and playing the next

·      Acting out rather than talking

·      Change in eating, sleeping and behaviour patterns

·      Regression to earlier age behaviours –e.g., bed wetting, thumb sucking

·      Lacking concentration and energy at school

·      Anger, frustration, restlessness

·      Feeling responsible for parents

Where to Find Help:

·      Your GP

·      Bereavement Counsellor

·      Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement – 1800 642 066

·      Kids Helpline – 1800 551 800 – 24hrs, 7 days

·      Griefline – 1300 845 745 6am – 12 midnight

·      Southern Highlands Bereavement Care Service 48621701, [email protected]

(Adapted from posts by: speakinggrief.org & betterhealth.vic.gov.au)