Conflicted Feelings in Grief:
Reconciling the Present with What Might Have Been

If I had to choose one word to describe life after loss, I might choose “conflicted.” It’s probably not the first word that comes to most people’s minds when thinking about loss. But, for me, one of grief’s most profound lessons is that our feelings, thoughts, perspectives, and wants are often at odds.

Considering how complex we human beings are, this shouldn’t be a revelation. But ultimately, our complexity is what drives us to try and simplify things by choosing one emotion, one motivation, one explanation, or one truth. These reductions make the world easier to navigate in many situations, but they can quickly complicate things in life after loss.

Conflicted Feelings in Grief

Some examples of ways people experience conflicted feelings in grief include:

• Wanting to move forward, but also wanting to hold onto the past
• Wanting to feel better, but also feeling guilty about feeling better
• Feeling hopeful, but also feeling hopeless
• Feeling immense grief, but also feeling relief
• Loving your late partner, but also loving someone new

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Conflicted Feelings in Grief: Reconciling the Present with What Might Have Been (whatsyourgrief.com)